Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
