i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
we're so committed to being not committed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
