I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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