You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
