You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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