It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
