apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
