Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
