I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
