Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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