the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
