I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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