What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
