**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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