Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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