worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
