I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
