Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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