That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
