I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's never too late to be topless.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
