hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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