You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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