he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
