Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
