just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
