Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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