Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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