3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
