everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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