I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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