Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
