dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Please don't give away my fajitas
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