escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The Olympian is in my bed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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