I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
