Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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