I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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