I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
