im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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