A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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