I just made out with a guy for $7.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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