ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
