you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
