Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
