not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
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Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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