Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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