and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
