you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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