also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
