in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
