Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
