Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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