Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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