Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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