The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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