can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
