woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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