Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm at about main and main street
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
