What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
