you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
