I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
