if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
