Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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