she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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