My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
