I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.