So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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