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I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
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