Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
