A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap