I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
