My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
