That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
