That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
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100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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