Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
