Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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