the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
