Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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