Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
