If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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