he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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