I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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