i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
