I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
