I got her a Nickelback box set.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We are two peas in an std pod
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
