If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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