just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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