my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
