meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dude. I can hear the air.
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